WackyZoo Funny Pictures and Jokes: Things My Mother Taught Me

THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
   "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION:
   "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
   "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
    week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC:
   "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
   "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY:
   "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
   "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
   "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA:
   "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER:
   "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
   "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen
    then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
   "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
   "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
   "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY:
   "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
    wonderful parents like you do!"

THANKS, MOM !